I grew up believing in the "happily ever after" of marriage. I dreamed, as a girl, of my wedding day - the dress, the flowers, the party, the music. What I didn't dream of is what would happen when the happily ever after came to an abrupt halt; the way my life would play out from that point on.
I was married, to my high school sweetheart; we were very young and foolish and thought we could rise above all the challenges of marriage and life. We were wrong.
After six years of a Naval career, which meant a life at sea for one and a life on land for the other, it was time to move back in together and have a "life." Not so easily done when you've only seen each other a total of 18 months over a period of five years. As a couple we quickly learned that the ocean wasn't the only thing seperating us. It is easy to be married when you only have the highs of a return to port, a fun-filled weekend with no worries, carefree living; then the the lows of saying yet another goodbye. Such was the rollercoaster of ups and downs that we called marriage. However, when the rollercoaster became a merry-go-round, someone got bored.
Divorce is like the fire-breathing dragon in the fairy tale...it paralyzes you with fear. It breathes fire, it beats you down, it makes you cry, it makes you scream, it makes you afraid to put one foot in front of another to try to move past it. No matter where you go, there it is. You want to run, to flee, but you can't find a way around it. You try to wish it away, pray it away, but it is there to stay.
People ask, "Didn't you see it coming?" No, I did not. I had no sense that it was coming - the the castle was on fire, the dragon was at the door, the ship was sailing without me. Clueless. Which made it even more embarrassing...other people knew before I did.
After months of looking for an easy answer, I faced the dragon - it was there and I had to accept it. I remember feeling like such a failure; that the one thing I had dreamed of my whole life, the one thing I thought I would be successful at was gone. It was like having the rug yanked out from underneath me and I couldn't get back up.
After months of struggling to survive, to get out of bed, to function like a human being, I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel. My dearest friends were there for me, helping me step-by-step and day-by-day; saving my life, believing in me when I did not believe in myself. I realized I had three wonderful kids that were also dealing with the dragon and I had to help them; be strong for them - they were so young to have to the face the dragon! The devastation began to seem not so devastating, but there was a lot of work to do and so I started rebuilding.
And, alas, a White Knight came along and saved me from the fire-breathing dragon. He came along and swept me up, took me and my children away from the devastation and helped us to rebuild so we didn't have to do it alone. Suddenly, I was surrounded by love, laughter, sunshine and happiness. And the merry-go-round music began again, but the music was different this time and the ride was smoother.
Call me cynical, but I don't believe in fairy tales anymore...
But I do believe in the power of love
I was married, to my high school sweetheart; we were very young and foolish and thought we could rise above all the challenges of marriage and life. We were wrong.
After six years of a Naval career, which meant a life at sea for one and a life on land for the other, it was time to move back in together and have a "life." Not so easily done when you've only seen each other a total of 18 months over a period of five years. As a couple we quickly learned that the ocean wasn't the only thing seperating us. It is easy to be married when you only have the highs of a return to port, a fun-filled weekend with no worries, carefree living; then the the lows of saying yet another goodbye. Such was the rollercoaster of ups and downs that we called marriage. However, when the rollercoaster became a merry-go-round, someone got bored.
Divorce is like the fire-breathing dragon in the fairy tale...it paralyzes you with fear. It breathes fire, it beats you down, it makes you cry, it makes you scream, it makes you afraid to put one foot in front of another to try to move past it. No matter where you go, there it is. You want to run, to flee, but you can't find a way around it. You try to wish it away, pray it away, but it is there to stay.
People ask, "Didn't you see it coming?" No, I did not. I had no sense that it was coming - the the castle was on fire, the dragon was at the door, the ship was sailing without me. Clueless. Which made it even more embarrassing...other people knew before I did.
After months of looking for an easy answer, I faced the dragon - it was there and I had to accept it. I remember feeling like such a failure; that the one thing I had dreamed of my whole life, the one thing I thought I would be successful at was gone. It was like having the rug yanked out from underneath me and I couldn't get back up.
After months of struggling to survive, to get out of bed, to function like a human being, I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel. My dearest friends were there for me, helping me step-by-step and day-by-day; saving my life, believing in me when I did not believe in myself. I realized I had three wonderful kids that were also dealing with the dragon and I had to help them; be strong for them - they were so young to have to the face the dragon! The devastation began to seem not so devastating, but there was a lot of work to do and so I started rebuilding.
And, alas, a White Knight came along and saved me from the fire-breathing dragon. He came along and swept me up, took me and my children away from the devastation and helped us to rebuild so we didn't have to do it alone. Suddenly, I was surrounded by love, laughter, sunshine and happiness. And the merry-go-round music began again, but the music was different this time and the ride was smoother.
Call me cynical, but I don't believe in fairy tales anymore...
But I do believe in the power of love
~alicia
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