Absolutely...{NOT}

Today, no craft project, or decorating project...just some feelings I wanted to share, hoping it might provide some insight for others.

I found this video this week and it really resonated with me...I likened it to how I parent, how others may perceive or judge my decisions as a parent and, most importantly, how I view my children when a misstep is made.

 

 

Parenting is a difficult job and, for me, always a learning experience; and my life of parenting has not been short on lessons. I'm not perfect, my kids aren't perfect, and we're all human...even me, as a mom.

I have always told my kids that NO MATTER WHAT, I will always love them; unconditionally. But what happens when that unconditional love is challenged and put to the test?

What I have come to realize is that you cannot parent in absolutes; in black and white. It is limiting and will challenge your relationship with your teens and young adult kids every time. Don't get me wrong, I think it is VITAL to teach and exemplify values and morals to our children. The problem comes into play when your kids become old enough to make their own choices, and at some point make choices that you may not agree with.

I believe that it is at this point, as parents, that we must learn to enter into the "gray" zone...the place between the absolute, between the black and white. This zone, I've learned, is where we are forced to step out of our own comfort zone, away from the choice, we ourselves, would choose. And...where we step away from judging our own children, and ourselves. The "gray" zone is where we, as parents, are tested, challenged, humbled...and where personal growth occurs, if we allow it.

It's so easy when your children are small, to make deliberate, absolute statements and to be clear about how you would handle any given situation, using your black and white ruler. But the truth is, until you are actually faced with one of those choices that challenges the way you raised your children, you don't really KNOW how you would handle the situation. I've been there...and I've made plenty of these statements.

In the course of raising two young adults, one teen and one tween, I've learned that it is absolutely okay to draw a line that sets a boundary, but be prepared and open-minded enough to move that line when the time comes. 

 Because it's not enough to tell our kids we love them no matter what...at some point, we are going to be called to prove that with our actions.

Don't judge, be kind...everyone is struggling with something no one knows about.

 

~a

Sixteen Candles

Where does the time go?

Yes, it's true...I will soon have a 16 year-old daughter...it seems like these kids just keep growing and getting older - which means I'm getting older! I'm not ready, but ready or not, it is happening.

Bella didn't want to do anything special for her Sweet Sixteen, which to me was odd...I would have loved to have chosen how to celebrate my 16th birthday! So I wanted to do something that would make this a special birthday for her...and not just a gift on the BIG day (because anyone can do that).

I sure hope this portrays how special she is to us...not just on her birthday, but every day of every year.

I came up with a plan to do Sixteen Days of Bella's Sweet 16 - she would receive a small gift every day and a big gift on her actual birthday. When I mentioned this to a friend of mine, she suggested making a scrapbook for Bella - I didn't have time for that, but what I did do was make a card, each day, with a picture from each year of her life leading up to 16...with a note about that year of her life. What I have included here, is not, in it's entirety, what was written on her note.

Here is the journey...

Day 1:

It feels like just yesterday, I brought this baby girl home from the hospital! Yet, in reality, it was 16 years ago - December 31, 1997.

Today's gift was the DVD of "Sixteen Candles" which we watched together - I'm pretty sure I enjoyed it more than she did!

Day 2:

Bella's first steps, three weeks before her first birthday...now she is learning to drive...where does the time go?!

Today's gift: $15 gas card so she can get up and GO!

Day 3:

This girl always wanted elaborate Barbie up-dos and this hairstyle was the best I could do! I hope she always remembers that being beautiful on the inside takes as much work as being beautiful on the outside and that a beautiful heart, makes a beautiful woman!
 

Today's gift: a mug, fit for a princess!
 

 

Day 4:

 

This picture was taken during a time of turmoil and transition in our family, yet Bella always had a smile and a peace about her. She has taught me to smile and enjoy the little things, even when life disappoints us. 

Today's gift: whitening toothpaste to keep that smile pretty!

Day 5:

B is for boyfriend - you've had one or two
B is for baker - a hidden talent, who knew?
B is for Big Sister - or "Sissy" as you're known
B is for brown eyes - and hair that's long grown
And B is for baby girl - you stole my heart
Most importantly, B is for BELLA - beautiful and smart!
 

Today's gift: besides that awesome ditty (lol) is a silver monogram ring

 

 Day 6:

Learning to maneuver her first set of wheels! Her stepdad taught her how to ride a bike and so, I let him write her the note. I don't know what it said, but I'm sure it was sweet! He is pretty patient when it comes to the kids learning new things - even driving.

Today's gift: a cool camera strap for her DLSR camera

Day 7:

Bella has always loved babies and has a way with them. Baby Sister Blondie was a little jealous of her cousin, Marley, for getting her Sissy's attention. A reminder of how important all family relationships are...and, just like babies, relationships need love, cuddling and nurturing - you only get one family!

Todays gift: a gold makeup bag and some pretty false lashes - Bella's new thing

Day 8:

Bella (shown in first grade) has always been a great student...and she is working so hard her Sophomore year of high school and has excellent grades. We are so proud of her!

Today's gift: some makeup from Sephora

  

Day 9

 

Determination! Bella has always been so determined to keep up with her two older brothers and not let 'being a girl' stand in her way, even from a very young age. We used to joke that she would get all dressed up, do her hair...and then go out and climb a tree and roll down a hill! I hope that her determination will be something that she relies on throughout her life...and that she will never give up, even when the going gets tough.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to ...smile but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won if he'd stuck it out.
Don't give up, though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are -
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

Today's gift: a leopard print notepad for her car

 

 

Day 10

 

Bella's first trip to the beach and the ocean...her "dream" come true, accompanied by a fun trip to Disneyland, the place where dreams come true. My girls both have "bucket lists" and dreams and it is so fun, as a parent, to help them realize these things in their lives that they want to see and do, and experience these "firsts" with them.

I love this picture of Bellla as she contemplates the vastness of that ocean before diving in. She literally ran up to the water's edge and sat down to take it all in; it was a sweet moment.
I hope I can always help her achieve her dreams, and that as she gets older she will learn the value of working hard, but also taking time to do something that makes you happy.

Today's gift: Mickey and Minnie cupcake ornaments - appropriate on so many levels

Day 11

 

Today, which is Christmas Day, is a sweet 16 cookie bouquet (made by my friend)...sweets for my sweet almost 16 year-old!

 

Day 12

 

Bella is an amazing gymnast... something most people don't know. She took gymnastics for about 4 years - I loved to go watch her at the gym, her body always in fluid motion and so graceful!

She has amazing talents that I hope she will always work to improve so she doesn't lose them. Her cake decorating skills and cake designs are amazing for someone her age, she is a great friend and a good listener...she is wise beyond her years and has an empathy most adults lack.

Today's gift: a new frosting spatula and a vinyl for her KitchenAid mixer...keep calm and bake on

 

Day 13

 

This picture is from Bella's 13th birthday in 2010. My close friends and family know that December of 2010 was a very difficu...lt time for our family, one filled with sadness, grief and fear.

Yet, here is my Pretty Girl making the best of it, as we celebrated her birthday in Las Cruces - complete with silly string and fireworks right off the freeway.

Bella has taught me that even in your lowest moments, it is okay to laugh and to find joy in the small things...it's what gets you through. And many days, she can make me laugh like a 12 year-old girl, right when she can sense I need it most. She is an AMAZING young woman!

 Today's gift...some nail art and pedi socks

 

Day 14

 

It's been amazing to watch Bella grow into a beautiful young woman and I am so blessed to be her mom. I hope she will always remember that beauty is only skin deep...having a beautiful, caring heart lasts forever.

Today's gift: a leopard and black top...meow!

Day 15

One of my favorite pix of Bella from when we were in Puerto Rico earlier this year...

Bella is wonderful and talented in so many ways...and that smile just melts my heart! She has her own sense of style and carries herself with confidence.

Today's gift: a custom print for her room, which is in dire need of a new paint job

Day 16

It's finally here! I stayed up until 2am decorating the kitchen for this girl who said, "don't make a big deal out of my birthday."

Well, sorry, Pretty Girl - in this house we do birthdays!

Bella has been such a blessing in my life and, after several months of a touch-and-go pregnancy and bedrest, she arrived 2 weeks early.

We don't always see eye-to-eye......but she is the sparkle in my eye and the joy in my heart and I am so proud to be the woman she calls Momma.

I love you, Pretty Girl, and hope the love that surrounds you today will help you realize how special you are to everyone that knows you!! Happy Sweet Sixteen!

Please excuse the camera growing out of the side of my face in the next picture - I'm not a professional photographer, but I loved this picture and it fit perfectly for my message to Bella.

 

I am your parent,

You are my child.

I am your quiet place,

You are my wild.
I am your calm face,
You are my giggle.
I am your wait,
You are my wiggle.
I am your dinner,
You are my chocolate cake.
I am your bedtime,
You are my wide awake.
I am your lullaby,
You are my peek-a-boo.
I am your goodnight kiss,
You are my 'i love you.'

 Today's gift : a Tiffany necklace

 

 

I hope that you've enjoyed this journey with me...it was a lot of work to keep this going every day, but I know it meant a lot to Bella. It was so fun to go back through pictures and think about the special qualities that my daughter posessess and how much she has changed and grown into the beautiful young lady that she is today; it's gratifying to know i had a hand in that.

~alicia

The 2013 Yuletide Blog

I certainly have not been keeping up with blogging - life has taken over! But I did want to update it for our friends and family that live near and far that don't keep up with us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and even the telephone!

It has been a busy, busy year for all of us - and one filled with many blessings. I think, hand's down, we would all agree that the highlight of our year was a family cruise with my parents, sister, brother, sister-in-law, nephews and nieces.

My parents graciously paid for the cruise for all of us - and we all paid our own expenses, airfare, etc. We all met in San Juan, Puerto Rico and got on the cruise ship there. We went to St Thomas, Barbados, St Maarten, St Kitts, and St Lucia (not in that order) and then back to San Juan. We had a wonderful time together and seeing all the fun sights. And what a great gift from my parents - memories that will last a lifetime!

No sooner had we returned from 10 days in the Caribbean, Trey, Paige and I headed to Orlando for a whirlwind trip of 4 parks in 3 days...don't think I'll ever be doing that again, no matter how fun it was!

And when we've not been traveling, or working to make up for all the time gone from the office, this is what we've been up to...

Bella

Bella finished her freshman year at La Cueva and is halfway done with her Sophomore year - which is going a lot better than last year! She is studying hard and doing very well in her classes, bringing home all A's and B's. She just finished her driver's ed class and is now working on fulfilling her required practice driving hours. She does a great job and I can't understand why I've been so nervous to let her drive - you'd think after the two boys, this would be a piece of cake. However, it is not!

Speaking of cake, Bella's cake business is booming - to the point of us having to sometimes turn away work so she can work on homework and have a life. This year, she did her first two wedding cakes ever - and made some very nice money by doing so. One of her cakes (in the photo below), will be featured on "The Knot" blog sometime soon.

Bella will be turning Sweet 16 on New Year's Eve and I have been doing a sixteen day countdown for her - a small gift every day, with a picture from each year of her life, with a message on the back. It is sure fun going back through all the pictures of her and seeing how she has changed through the years. She is such a fun girl with a funny sense of humor and, most times, a sunny disposition. She has taught me so many lessons about myself and being a mom...and always knows how to make me smile and laugh like a 12-year-old girl at a slumber party!

Paige

Hard to believe our "baby" is growing so quickly...and moving right along through life, and we're watching her blossom right before our very eyes!

In May, Paige moved on from elementary school (after 17 years of elementary school, I am finally done - woo hoo!) and started middle school in the fall. She continues to excel at school and earn A's and B's, just like her sister; she studies hard and is a very conscientious student.

Paige is a lot of fun - even though she is entering her "tween" years and we get a little bit of an attitude every now and again, it is rare. She does, however, have very definite opinions, some of which just make us laugh. Last year she finished up swim team, as she got an upper respiratory infection that she just couldn't shake, and the pool water was not helping. But she went out with a bang, when she finished 7th in butterfly in the UNM Holiday Classic. I miss watching her swim and hope that she will go back to it - she is such a talented swimmer.

She is a sweet, sweet girl and I love that she still thinks I'm cool, that she likes to spend time with me and even comes for a cuddle on the couch every now and again. I'm sure these times will grow few and far between, so I will enjoy them while I can!

Trey

Trey still owns his own business, Lobo Wealth Strategies, and it continues to grow and prosper. He has worked hard over the past year building his business in Farmington, New Mexico, and travels there every other week to meet with clients.

When he's not busy working, he likes to golf, camp, fish and, of course, hunt! This year was no exception and he got in a couple of turkey hunts, an elk and a deer hunt. Unfortunately that was it for him this year - hopefully more next year. Trey also loves to garden and right about March, he can be found out in the yard doing what he does...and the results are FABULOUS! We love to hang out in our backyard, as long as the weather allows us to.

Trey is a great dad and husband - he is still trying to get used to being the only male in a house full of women...poor guy! But he handles it pretty well and likes to spoil his "girls"...and our dog, Max!

alicia

As for me, I am staying very busy with work and working towards another promotion. Human resource consulting has certainly taken off and I find myself with more work than I can do, so hopefully they will hire someone to help! I did get to take an exciting business trip to Sitka, Alaska to meet with a client in December. It was actually warmer in Sitka than in Albuquerque...although very rainy and dark.

I am also on the Heroin Awareness Executive Board and spend a lot of time volunteering for this awesome organization, which provides education and support to our community. As many of you know, this is something that I hold very dear to my heart due to the experiences that we've had. Helping others has helped me to heal from our own personal situation and, when I speak to a group of kids, I always think that if I can touch one person to not use drugs, then I have done my job. Recently, our group, along with Christopher Productions, won an Emmy award for a documentary that we created and that is currently being shown in all high schools throughout New Mexico, and some in California. It was such a huge honor to go to the ceremony and to have our work recognized - a true testament that a small group of people CAN and DO make a difference.

When I am not busy working or volunteering, I am busy crafting and spending time with my family and friends. I am fortunate that I have a career that challenges me, and I am also fortunate to have learned how to balance that with fun things in my life. As Trey and I always say, "we work hard so we can play hard."

And play hard this year, we did!

You're probably noticing we're missing a couple of people from our card...I'm still trying to wrap my head around that too! Travis and Andrew, who are 22 and 20, respectively, are now out of the house and living their own lives. They both have girlfriends, and jobs and are just doing what kids their age do. I guess them being missing from the Christmas card is just a natural progression of life - but they are still a part of our lives...just not every day. But they are both happy and healthy!



 

As I reflect back over the past year, it is not without some sadness and some trials, but we have truly been blessed beyond measure. Our lives continue to change and move at a rapid pace and we sometimes struggle to keep up, but eventually we get there. And the reflection always enables me to see our Heavenly Father's hand in all aspects of our lives.

We wish you and your family a wonderful New Year's filled with blessings, love and laughter.

Love,

Trey, alicia, Travis, Andrew, Bella & Paige

Be Our Guest...

 

Well, they say (whoever "they" are)..."if you build it, they will come."  I guess we'll see, what this post brings...

Handsome went hunting in November and, as many of you know, that means {project time} for moi. Our 21-year-old son recently moved out (this is after moving out, two room redos, moving back in and now moving out...I know, it's hard to keep up with but that is another story).

I've thought long and hard about what to do with this room...here's the before picture:

 

 

Truth be told, I had no idea what to do - I drew up some plans that included a sofa that would fold out into a bed, a built in desk area with a TV mounted on the wall and space for me to craft. I must have thought I had a MUCH bigger room (and imagination)...there's no way that would all fit in this space. And, I couldn't find a sofa (that I could afford) that had function and form...it's all about style, you know!

And, after getting rid of all the extra beds, literally a week before Tlo moved back in, we just improvised in that room with a twin bed on the floor (no frame), a dresser and a chair. The bed was too uncomfortable so I traded out some graduation announcement design work for a queen size pillow top bed.

Also last year, we sprung a major leak out front where the hose spigot is...it still has not been fixed and I was waiting for the wall to be fixed. (as you can see from the pix...it is finally fixed and Handsome just textured it today. I did threaten him with..."You cannot go hunting this spring until you fix.that.wall - amazingly enough, it got fixed, but I have not yet painted it, so igore!)

Handsome had a week-long hunt planned in the great state of Kansas...for deer and pheasant. I have to admit, I panicked a little bit when, the day after leaving for Kansas, I received a picture of him with his recently shot 10 point buck...talk about springing into action! Should have known better...he wasn't going to come home any earlier than necessary!

So, one element of this room is his childhood furniture. Now, don't go getting all upset with me...I could have very well sold it and purchased something else...but that is not how I roll and that is not what up-cycling is about. This piece of furniture is solidly built - I mean, it has withstood 3 teenage boys...there's something to be said for that!

It just didn't "go" with my idea, and it's not very modern looking.

I've always said..."forget the little black dress...all I need is a little black can of paint."

And I will continue to say that until I die!

You be the judge: first photo = the original furniture....second photo = painted furniture

{and oh I miss this room...it was my favorite, really...or maybe it was because of the boys that lived in it. Nonetheless, I miss it}

I, know, right?!

And the best part? We still have his furniture, to which he is very attached, and it looks better!

Oddly enough, when Handsome came home and said, "Is that my furniture?" I had to crack up...HE didn't even recognize it! The jury is still out on whether or not he "likes" it...but I know he likes having it around. And, as I said, it's well built and functional.

My jumping off point for the room was this serigraph that I bought at a gallery in Sydney, Australia 21 years ago...I happened to wander into the gallery, saw the original painting, titled "The Arrival" and LOVED it...so I bought the print. As luck would have it, the artist, Charles Billich, happened to be in the gallery and signed the piece for me; I also have a smaller piece of Perth. It wasn't an inexpensive purchase at the gallery...and since it is signed, it goes for about $2,500-3,000.

I have been lugging this piece of artwork with me for the past 21 years...and it has been in a closet for the past eight. Well, I decided it was time to honor it and hang it up...so it was really the inspiration for this room.

And the rest, it's history...I love animal print and I tried to pick colors that were warm and inviting, but not too feminine (apparently I missed the mark on the "not too feminine" part). Alas...the room.

Handsome constantly teases me that I've created a nice room for myself. ha ha

Truth be told...it is VERY different from the rest of the house. But that's why you have rooms, right? So each room can be something different? Our bedrooms are Paris, and zebra diva and now this room. Each have a different personality - just like the people that live there. I wanted to create a space that was warm, inviting and comfortable to those who come visit.

Besides painting, which is an obvious for me, I up-cycled {my new "thing"} this chest I nearly jumped an old woman for at Goodwill ($15 people, $15!). I needed a bedside table and everything was too wide or ugly. I found this piece at Goodwill and knew it was perfect - not only the right size, but storage too!

And then there is the chair and ottoman, which I PAINTED, people, YES! And it is gorgeous...if I do say so myself. There is going to be a whole post on this, so stay tuned. It turned out lighter than I wanted, but I am not re-doing it...and I like it...I LOVE it. Sometimes I just go in the room to see it...is that wrong? This was a major up-cycle job for me and thanks to my blogger-friend, Mandi, for the instructions overat http://www.vintagerevivals.com/

Another thing I like to do is steal BORROW ideas...is that wrong? Here are a couple of examples...I recently re-decorated the master bedroom...found this mirror at Target. Now, it was only $40, but seemed a little too high-priced for me (okay, I'm cheap sometimes)...so I "knocked it off" - $4 mirror from Michael's and the rest is made from...wait for it...skewers! I measured them all out, spray painted and then affixed them to the mirror and Viola! Cost me the cost of the mirror.

So two weeks ago I was in HomeGoods looking for "stuff" (you know how it is) and I came across this beauty for $50...$50, are you kidding me? And here comes the knockoff...

Mine cost me $20 and I was able to pick the exact colors I wanted. Why pay good money for what you can create in 10 minutes by yourself?

So that's our new guestroom...

Won't you be our guest? We're taking reservations...but I am holding a spot for my parents at Thanksgiving this year...hoping they'll come for a visit.
 

{alicia}

A Girl After My Own {Heart}

I'm catching up...two posts in two days!

WOOT!!

Remember my earlier post here where I did the Paris bedroom makeover? In there, I mentioned that I now have multiple rooms to redo...and I finally got the second room DONE. Check it off the list!

Luckily this room didn't require a lot of painting, so I was able to get it done in a weekend. Here are the before pictures...

The room hasn't looked like this for long...only about 2 years and now it is time for a redo. I am hoping this new decor will survive the high school years!

She wanted zebra print...ah, a girl after my own {heart} for sure! She knows I can't say no to that! LOL

My "jumping off point" was creating a desk closet. I've seen these all over Pinterest and have been dying to do  one. This room is the perfect place because it is so small and the closet is just shelves (no hanging space) AND my daughter needs a work surface.

So out came the hammer, screwdriver and drill...moved some things around, did some painting, added some chalkboard pain, zebra duct tape (yes, you read that right) and zebra accessories and viola...a study space!

Pretty Girl is at an age where she has a lot of stuff...make-up, hair accessories, hair spray, brushes, blow dryers, lip gloss, etc...you get the idea.

This stuff was scattered everywhere in the room. So I bought an over the door shoe holder and hung it on the back of her door - now all of here stuff is organized and within reach of her new "primping" area.

I wanted to do some creative lighting and I found this paper zebra umbrella at Hobby Lobby (where else?) for $9.99 plus 40% off! It took some doing but I've got it rigged up there and it looks pretty cool.

I still have a couple projects to finish - spray the ceiling fan and make some poofs for the corner above her dresser...and most importantly, find her a piece of artwork for her wall. But here is how it looks until I get that done...

I did a lot of re-purposing...as I was spray painting that bookshelf glossy black, I was reminded that I bought this 12 years ago when I redid the boys' room in our old house. It is one of those "put it together yourself" pieces of furniture, but boy it has really held up well...after 3 kids and 3 colors of spray paint.

I also bought this pillow for Pretty Girl...got it at Bed, Bath and Beyond on clearance for $6.00 a couple of years ago. The ribbon on it is brown (matched her other room perfectly), but it is Roxy and oh so cute...I hated to part with it. So I dug around my craft closet and found some zebra print ribbon that is sticky on one side...cut it, stuck it on and added a little heat via the iron to make sure it held...you'd never know it didn't come with zebra on it!

It's interesting to me that both my girls' rooms have similar color schemes and yet are so different...just like they are different from each other. I love hanging out in their rooms - what I would have given to have a cool room like that growing up...I guess I just get to enjoy it now.

One bedroom left and by the time I get them done...it will be warm enough to paint the outside of the house. We got a new roof in November (what a mess!), and now it is time to freshen up the look of our home on the outside.

Thanks for stopping by!

{alicia}